Narcissistic “pagans” ARE angering the gods.
It wasn’t me who said it. It was the canon we still have from the Hellenic period.
By the way, if you don’t believe it or if this isn’t your religion, this post isn’t for you. I moderate the comments. Don’t try me.
Nyx Shadowhawk, one of the bloggers I follow, recently wrote this outstanding article (click to read). Please read their article first, because I’m only citing a few things here and referencing other sources as I see fit, but I won’t re-explain what they explained — namely, what are the “sins” in Hellenism.
That article got me wondering about the following question:
Is narcissism impious?
This is today’s topic. Buckle up, because we’re going on a wild ride.
I’m going to open today’s article by commenting on this idea:
(…) a lot of newbie Hellenic pagans are terrified that the gods are mad at them, often for completely innocuous things, e.g. having multiple gods on the altar, liking fictional media portrayals of them, failing to maintain a regular practice. or reading into weird candle flickers. “Is [god] mad at me?” is the most asked question on r/Hellenism. The majority of modern pagans were raised Christian, and are used to the feeling of a god breathing down their neck, waiting to catch them in a sin. It’s hard to program yourself out of that kind of thinking, even after you convert to a new religion.
Yes to all of it, absolutely correct, but my comment goes to… a bit of a tangent based on what was said above.
I’d like to talk about the paradox of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Namely, the fact people who definitely don’t have it are most likely to worry that they might have it, whereas people who are very likely to have it, tend to deny it fiercely.
This is similar to how, ya know, pagans who worry they’re angering the gods are usually not angering the gods AT ALL; But here comes the other side of the coin, which isn’t discussed very often: pagans who DON’T worry at all about it… sometimes do have a bit of guilt. Not all of them! Just a minority. Just the narcissists. Someone like the author of the mentioned article, for example, tend not to worry about it AND aren’t narcissistic. Nyx Shadowhawk is a pretty average person (as are others like them), nothing concerning to note as far as I can see. In contrast, when I talk about pagan narcissists, TRUST ME, I’m not splitting hairs — those narcissists are very obviously not grounded in reality. So they’re an even smaller subgroup, inside this group of pagans who “don’t worry” about angering the gods. They’re just very loud and noticeable. But regardless of how noticeable their problem is, I seldom see people discussing it in the context of modern paganism. And this article is an attempt at changing that.
It’s also worth saying that I dislike the “disorder” bit, because sometimes it can give off the impression that narcissistic people are helpless or victims of a condition beyond their control. Reality is likely to be a lot more complex than that: yes, there’s probably a disordered component to the way they act and behave in the world… But one cannot deny that past a certain point, it becomes a choice. Everyone, mentally ill or not, ultimately has the free will to invest in bettering themselves and healing… OR invest in justifying the way they are ad infinitum in order to avoid healing. THAT is the “sin” I’m talking about. THAT is the problem. The fact these people, in their majority, wouldn’t touch healing with a six foot pole even if it was facilitated to them by all means. And as a result, they walk among us posing a threat to themselves and others.
The problem with narcissistic people isn’t that they’re “a victim” to this external monster-in-the-closet called Narcissism. Instead, they choose narcissism, over and over again, because it ensures their ego won’t ever get bruised by the normal maturing and growing that every human being goes through. So, it’s a choice. It’s deliberate and immature. And it’s about time we call it out and hold them accountable for it. If anything, I’m doing it in the name of Hellenism and all the things our belief system stands for.
Let’s start with hubris.
Are narcissists hubristic?
The answer is a big resounding “yes”. This phenomenon is common in all religions — the Christian narcissists tend to become cult leaders and found their own niche “churches” where everything is high-control and isolationism reigns supreme (I’m putting “churches” between quotes because that cultish kind of church actually goes against the definition of church in mainstream Christianity, ie, a public place without strings attached where everyone can hang out and freely choose to participate in Christian ceremonies). As always, I’m no Christian, I just know a thing or two.
Similarly, pagan narcissists usually start their own cults… of personality. They’re not as direct about it as the Christians, but it’s the same thing nonetheless. They don’t usually say they want to be worshipped/idolised, but they make it clear between the lines. For example, I used to know this “philosopher” who had THE NERVE to rename Greek goddesses according to what he thought they should be called (I think Gaia became Sophia, and I can’t remember the name he gave Athena; But you get the gist). He’d also offer his own definitions to specific words, disagreeing with dictionaries (so, your usual cult leader move. Nothing new under the sun), and above all else, rejected/disqualified any other philosophers and/or leaders with a similar belief system. Was it because they “disagreed” with him? Well, no, not always. Weird vocabulary aside, sometimes other bloggers out there had similar ideas, but this man would still treat them with contempt solely because they were competing with him. So… Yeah. You get the gist. Between the lines, what this man was doing was signalling to his followers “look, if you like or follow anyone other than me, I’m against that”. This points to the underlying fact that he wanted to be the go-to source of wisdom for his followers, and it was a personal thing. Even if someone else agreed and quoted what he said word for word, he’d still dislike them; because in the end of the day, his “teachings” aren’t about the supposed wisdom; they’re about the cult of personality — who said it, instead of what was said.
(Yes, I gave the above person the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn’t have. That’s why I know so much. I used to have a pattern of letting narcissistic people into my life because I was naive. Hopefully I’m learning to do better. Maybe you’re wondering, “Lucy, are you dumb?” and honestly, if you knew what I went through with my mother, you’d understand why I don’t see red flags where everybody sees them, LOL).
Are cults of personality any different than blatant hubris (saying you are a god or you’re better than a god)? I personally think not. I’m curious to hear your opinions, though. Drop them in the comments. That said, yes, I’ve seen modern pagans practice blatant hubris too. The most recent example that comes to mind is a regular guy from the US — back when I was an atheist spirit worker who didn’t believe in gods but worked with human spirits. He used to go around saying “I am Apollo”. I no longer have the screenshots, because they’re from my old Facebook, which I deleted and wanted no reminders of. I used to be called Meron the Pict at the time. If anyone saved these interactions, feel free to message me. I know they made the rounds online because of how outrageous they were. This person really was tripping on his power delusion. But long story short, although I still wasn’t even a Hellenist at the time, this happened. A random guy who probably wanted to be remembered just claimed to be a god. Out of nowhere. And everybody laughed.
The story I told above is a best-case scenario. I’m wondering what happens in the worst-case scenario — that is, when people actually believe the hubristic narcissist, become followers, and end up getting scammed. Oh, wait, actually there has been a recent incident. It even made headlines, and apparently has a dedicated TV series now.
The incidents are getting common, aren’t they?
Similar cases of hubris include oracles pretending they’re so special and so good that they don’t even need to check whether it’s their source or their own ego they’re channeling (because of course a narcissist would be “above” the “normal people’s” rulebook detailing where and when to prophesise. Oh, that’s for amateurs, isn’t it? Mere mortals. Not starseeds like me. Me-me-me); And witches who attribute whatever they fancy to well-established deities and spirits of the moon just because they want it very badly to match their imperfect antics, don’t fact-check, and end-up fooling innocent outsiders who just want to connect (like they fooled me). I’m sure there are more examples, and you can feel free to share yours in the comments.
Moving on…
Do narcissists break oaths?
Not always, but they’re likely to do it. Given that narcissism makes one assume they are above the rules, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say they can sometimes think they’re above divine rules too.
For example, let’s suppose a woman who had a miscarriage prays to a god to be able to carry a child to term, in exchange for “whatever” this god wants… And then proceeds to shelter this child from any reference to the god whatsoever.
Does it sound dumb? Oh, but it’s just another Tuesday in the world of a narcissist! People who suffer from narcissism are immediatist; they can’t see anything long-term. All they know is instant gratification. Whenever “consequences” appear on their path, they turn the other way, rewrite history, and delude themselves that they control the very fabric of reality. Anything to avoid confronting their real self or the shame that binds it to the depths of their unconscious.
This is why I said, and will repeat, that narcissists are very likely to break oaths. Whereas “normal” people (by which I mean, non-narcissistic. No perfection implied!) sometimes break oaths — reluctantly, I hope — narcissists just do it by default; Because they can’t keep up with the continuity of their own lies, let alone reality.
Do narcissists violate xenia?
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. All the time. Constantly! Their whole existence as narcissists [refusing to heal from it] DEPENDS on violating xenia.
When you think of xenia as a law of hospitality, the very concept of narcissistic parents, for example, implies violating it — because these are people who bring new human beings into the world (therefore acting as “the hosts”) and proceed to be horrible hosts, abusing their power, parentifying children, triangulating people… You know the song and dance.
In a less literal context, xenia also rules over how we treat the “guests” of our energetic field, as well as how we treat the “hosts” when people welcome us into their energy. I know this is sounding mystical, so allow me to break it down to you:
Ever heard of energy vampires? By which I mean people who “feed off of dramatic interactions”, baiting others into giving them an emotional response which can serve as an ego boost because of the attention given. Well, that’s basically the definition of narcissistic supply. This kind of dynamics breaks xenia because it’s a “bad guest” abusing the freedom received by the “host” of an energetic field. You see, when you’re welcomed into a person’s intimacy, and they open up to you — or simply let you into their world, even without getting too intimate — this person is trusting you to honour and respect their energy, and to act courteous. If you’re an energy vampire, you abuse this trust by forcing them to waste time and energy on you, creating drama, “draining” them, triangulating them against other people, etc. It’s the equivalent of a guest being welcomed into someone’s home with open arms, then proceeding to steal food, leave a mess everywhere, make fun of them in front of everyone, sowing seeds of gossip between friends, etc. Not very nice, is it? Not very grateful, either.
This kind of dynamics can be seen in internet forums everywhere, and less frequently, offline — usually coupled with cult-like antics: a Hellenist starts a discussion about a topic that interests them… And there comes a vampire (or several!) baiting, and baiting, and baiting… Trying to “milk” drama out of this originally innocent interaction. Is that respecting xenia? No. It isn’t. In fact, it’s breaking xenia. The hospitality which initially existed, got lost amid all this drama. And for what? Oh, just for attention. Just so that trolls can feel relevant for a day. Wow, how grown-up.
Bad hosts also abound in modern pagan circles. Perhaps the classic example is when you’re new to a group, and instead of feeling welcomed, you feel cornered, because the hosts or moderators or whatever (insert denomination here) want you to “play” a specific role in the dynamics even if it doesn’t reflect who you really are. Let’s suppose you’re new to the group, but not new to the religion. Oh, no, but you must pretend to be new to the entire religion! Or else the “seasoned” members of the group will think you’re defying their authority — when in fact you’re simply saying the truth, like “hey, I’m just not a newbie. No hate intended”. This breaks xenia because it’s unnecessarily exclusionary. So, you want to host people? But you’re not open to meeting people where they’re at? You need them to “perform” for you the character you imagined they would be? Ya know… That’s dodgy. Don’t be that person.
Narcissists are always very keen on force-fitting people into the moulds they already had decided on. Nobody in their presence is supposed to be sincere! They only accept people playing roles — because it has to be safe for their fake self, of course. Anything that might threaten to expose a narcissist’s real self is automatically a danger for them. As a result of that, breaking xenia is a given.
Conclusion
Pretty much the only reason why narcissists don’t bingo the whole list of reasons why the gods might punish them, is they don’t desecrate the sacred and don’t break major taboos — that is, cannibalism, kinslaughter, etc. I’m saying this with the utmost confidence because narcissism is by definition approval-seeking. Even the most overt narcissists depend on social relevance to keep their egos well fed. They’re not going to march to the beat of their own drum if it means social suicide… Unlike psychopaths, who might be tempted to break these major taboos.
Other than that, as you can see from my examples and explanations, narcissists tend to be in a very vulnerable position before the gods. They’re violating basically every other major rule that would warrant the gods’ anger.
So… do the Hellenic gods have a personal vendetta against narcissistic people? One might wonder that. I wouldn’t think so, and here is why: love it or hate it, justify it as you may with “neurodiversity” or “mental illness” [or insert get-out-of-jail-free card for a narcissist]… You can’t deny that in the end of the day, they ARE a danger for themselves and others. Their antics go against everything that helps human beings connect, live harmoniously in society, network effectively, experience the sacred safely, and facilitate spiritual learning. If you’re going to defend narcissists, you also need to disagree with the benefits pertaining to all of these things I just listed… And I don’t think one can do that in the context of reality. Perhaps you can do it in delusion! But not with open eyes and an open heart.
I don’t want to generalise my conclusion too much, because I’m not one to proselytise, but perhaps there’s also an element of common sense to these taboos. I’m saying that, because similar rules exist in other faiths — pagan or not — and it would be naïve to consider it a mere coincidence.
There’s no need to take “angering the gods” literally if you don’t fancy that. I’m not a mythical literalist either. You could interpret it as “going against basic principles that govern life as a human on planet Earth”, and extrapolate from that the natural consequences — such as ostracism and misery.
There comes a point when a person who has gone the wrong way for far too long has to wonder… What if I turn back, start anew, and begin living life not against, but according to these divine rules? And I’d personally support that decision.
